Author: joyvanstaalduinen

For so many people this year has been the worst. The 2020 memes are so real and keep me laughing, for sure. We can laugh at the memes and still cry at the tragedy. I have seen countless people lose loved ones from COVID-19. Ignorant people have ignored the scientific professionals all for the sake… Continue reading Give Thanks

My dearest Pea, ONE! You should be one! In reality we have no idea when you would have been born. Your little brother was born 4 days after his due date, so I imagine you would have done something similar. It is so hard to put a name on this day. I've been calling it… Continue reading *O*N*E*

My second child was born on August 8, 2020. He is my second child, but my first born. Holding him and loving on him in my arms shows me how much I was missing when we lost our Sweet Pea to miscarriage. The birth went beautifully and was followed by a complication that led to… Continue reading Oct 15: I See You

If you've been following my blog for any amount of time, you know "First Time Mom" is NOT how I identify. Sure, the kid currently in my womb is the only one I've been able to cary out of the first trimester, but I wouldn't say this makes me a first time mom. Since losing… Continue reading First Time Mom?

I've been working hard to create a podcast sharing stories of families who have lost children in pregnancy and/or infancy. It has been such an honor to meet (virtually) with moms who are so open, honest, and vulnerable. They are strong and courageous. They are fearless. They are mourning. They share with us their tears… Continue reading When it Hits You

Last year I remember wanting to go overboard for James. I wanted to take him out to a fancy dinner, buy him a growler of his favorite beer, shower him with gifts, I wanted to do it all. He didn't want that. He was still processing. I'm so grateful for organizations and support groups who… Continue reading Father’s Day, Round 2!

I was woken up at 5:30am (after only 4 hours of sleep) to tiny kicks from my youngest babe. What a beautifully exhausting way to "kick" of this day. With two children this close in age I should have also had my oldest waking me up in the middle of the night to feed. And… Continue reading On This Mother’s Day

It had been 6 months since our Sweet Pea died before I felt ready to conceive again. The trauma was intense. It wasn't limited to the grief of my first kid. It also included post partum depression and a feeling that I'd never even wanted another child. After months of therapy, a move to another… Continue reading Pregnancy After Loss: PTSD

There is a question many loss parents ask. "Will we ever get pregnant again?" Some families have spent thousands of dollars on IVF just to have their little one pass in an instant. Some families have a child who is born still and wonder if the pain of loss is worth risking again. As for… Continue reading Time Doesn’t Heal

Thankful. Thats a word I never thought I'd write on this blog. There isn't much to be thankful for in the loss of a child, so this year when we sat around the table full of turkey and stuffing I had to think very critically about what I would say. We are so blessed to… Continue reading Thankful