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Oh my precious sweet pea-- We've made it. Well... sorta? All parents long for this day. The day when you're so pregnant and your feet are so swollen and you're so ready to get the baby out of your body. When I started writing about us I knew I wanted to document everything about our… Continue reading On Your Due Date,

I carried our mini van in my body for ten weeks. The last two weeks were the worst as I knew our sweet pea had already passed. I wanted other people to see me and not be weird. I wanted them to understand, yet I also didn't want them to have to understand. Nobody should… Continue reading From the Inside Out

Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. What once was a day that felt insignificant now gives me reason to mourn and share with others what it feels like to be 1 in 4. 1 in 4. That's 25%. That's me. It's basic math. There was a 3/4 chance I'd be 36 weeks pregnant… Continue reading Wave of Light

Dear Sweet Pea, I've wanted to write you for a long time. I've wanted to put into words just how much you mean to me. I talk about you all the time, but I rarely talk to you. I'm sorry and I'll try to do better. I don't know if you are a boy or… Continue reading Dear Sweet Pea

I peed on a test and my whole world changed. There is no denying that holding onto a pee stick was weird, but I didn't want to get rid of it. In fact, I peed on another the next day to make sure it was still real. Now what? What do I do with these… Continue reading The Box

Every mom dreams of holding their child. The first cry, the first skin to skin, the first nap on mom's chest. I hear all the time women say, "hold them while they're still little." There are arguments about holding and rocking your children to bed when they really should be self soothing. You wonder what… Continue reading Held

I've read so much on grief. Even before our minivan died inside my body I studied grief as a pediatric chaplain. I always saw the loss of a child to be the worst possible thing, and now I know that to be true. When you study grief you hear so many things. See a therapist,… Continue reading Change Is Good

You hear a lot about miscarriage. How painful it is. How we don't talk about it enough. How your whole world suddenly shatters and you find yourself trying to pick up the pieces and put them together to form a new normal. We talk about the pain and the heartache, but we don't often talk… Continue reading What They Don’t Tell You…

When I was 22 I was diagnosed with seasonal depression. After the "season" had passed and I went off my medication I quickly learned that for me this wasn't a seasonal illness. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had full blown depression and would remain on a low dose anti-depressant for the… Continue reading Post Partum Depression

I had an emotionally abusive father growing up. It was hell. Having an earthly father like that always made me hate Fathers day. Then it happened. I married James and was given the gift of seeing what a real father was. I saw what it looked like to have a father figure welcome me into… Continue reading James’s First Fathers Day